The King SPEAKS

Protected: How Should I feel?

Posted on April 10th, 2008 by The King.
Categories: Everything and Anything!!!.

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Letting The Beast Out!!!

Posted on March 16th, 2008 by The King.
Categories: Everything and Anything!!!, Life, Things That Piss Me OFF!!!.

I’ve had enough. I don’t need this anymore. I tear my face away screaming, letting out the anguish built in. Slowly the monster comes out, no longer held in by the body made by society. I’m not what you think I am and I never will be. I scream more, the screams music to my ears and peace to my heart. It feels good to come out of this cast. I’ve been in this mold far too long, it’s time you knew who the real me was. I’m tired of making everyone else happy and fulfilling everyone’s wishes. The perfect son, the perfect brother, the perfect friend. What about me? Where do I find my perfect parents or my perfect friend? Who really knows me? Who really WANTS to know me? Lies and deceit, all I ever hear and tell. When will it all stop? When will it all end? The mold is broken, the beast is out. I am happy. Society is not. It forces the beast to wear another cast, another shell. I’m confined again, once more held against my will. When will I be free? When will people know the real me? What’s the solution? Does one even exist?

Here I am again, inside yet another cover.

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Many a nights I lay awake…

Posted on March 10th, 2008 by The King.
Categories: Everything and Anything!!!, Life.

- Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000), Charlie Brown in “Peanuts”

Many a nights I lay here awake,
Thinking of what I’ve done,
All the mistakes I’ve made,
All the problems from which I’ve run.

I know I’ve done wrong,
I know that I’ve erred,
But what can I do?
all my plans smudged and blurred.

I promise myself I’ll do better tomorrow,
I promise I won’t make the same slip,
I know I can improve myself,
I know I need to get a grip.

I slowly fall asleep,
Into the world of dreams,
The promises fade away,
I’ll make the same mistakes it seems.

Night after night,
the same thoughts go through my mind,
Yet, why can’t I see the truth,
Why am I so blind?

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You Screwed Me Over!

Posted on March 9th, 2008 by The King.
Categories: Everything and Anything!!!, Life, Things That Piss Me OFF!!!.

Why’d you have to make it so painful? Why’d you have to leave me so scarred? I can’t even trust anyone anymore. You left me shattered so badly that no matter what I do, I can’t put it behind me? I can’t trust anyone and I’m always doubting myself. Why’d you have to leave that way?

I don’t even know what to say to you. I want to hate you but I can’t. I can’t hate anyone. You’ve left me so bad that my mind constantly doubts the reality. I think everyone is conspiring against me, even those close to me. I have problems giving my trust to people, constantly doubting them. Every action, I wonder why that person did it? Why can’t I accept that it’s just a plain and simple action? Why do I think that there are two sides to every action. Why do I doubt they’re love? Why can’t I be sure of myself? Why can’t I accept that she just likes me? Why do I think there’s a greater conspiracy behind everything? Jeez! I’m not that bad. I want to lift myself up from the bottom of the pit, but all these small things just push me back down. I hate you, I hate what you’ve done to me. I hate the fact that I know all this but still act the same fucking retarded way. I hate myself.

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So much to say…

Posted on February 17th, 2008 by The King.
Categories: Everything and Anything!!!, Life.

I want to say something to you, I really do. It’s on the tip of my tongue. I look at you, I want to blurt it out, let the beast wild. Open the cage door, step back and let it all out. I look into your eyes, the very eyes I want to be number one in. How could I lie to those eyes. They look at me, stare at me. I want you to know how I truly feel, who I truly am, WHAT I truly am. I want to tell you everything, tell you how I truly feel. Will you love me more? Will you hate me? There are so many things wrong, you have no idea. I can’t believe you did this, or you didn’t do that. How did you forget … So many things.

Lies upon lies, deceit upon deceit. We NEVER say what we want to. Those who do are called insensitive. Why do we keep everything bottled up inside? Why can’t I just say it. Why are relationships based on lies? Not telling how we truly feel, putting on a mask every single time. How long can we live with it is the question, how long till the mask chokes us and we can’t breath.

I want to say so many things to you, I really do. I look at your eyes, you blink. The moment is gone. I bottle it up inside. I want to tell you what I feel inside, but I don’t. I’m too scared. I don’t want to lose you. But with all the lies, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to be with you…

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